Used Up and Cast Aside

I try to see the beauty in everyone, in every situation that I encounter. Sometimes that is difficult and I find myself getting angry and shutting down, withdrawing from those I love. Of course I go through seasons, some absolutely wonderful, some extremely difficult. I am going through one of those difficult seasons right now. I feel like I am beneficial to others but that others only use me until my usefulness has been exhausted. If I am not beneficial to their cause, ministry, business, life in general I am used up and cast aside. This has been an issue I have seen in my life for a long time. I know it is my tendency to put all of myself into something and push myself until I am exhausted, until I either have nothing left to give or I am cast aside by those people who I thought valued me.

In my faith I have been actively involved in many churches in my time on this Earth, all of which I over exert myself until I am tired and end up quitting a project or two to find balance. But that balance seems elusive like a shadow running from the sun. Most of the time I participate in the worship band, and volunteer until I am blue in the face, but in the last year I have found solace in restricting what I involve myself in. I found a tribe of folks that love me and value me, until they don’t and then I feel alone again.

But that is what this is all about, we are all really doing the best we can. We all have things we are good at, and we fake some things that we may otherwise struggle with. Fake it until we make it I have heard several times in my life. I also say that I am a jack of many trades but a master of none, the truth is I don’t really know anything… but am willing to learn.

My struggle is that I may look like I have it all together, but I really don’t. I have thoughts and opinions others don’t agree with, and I don’t agree with some thoughts and opinions of others. My political view is a hodgepodge of different things but mostly I am a freedom minded person. I do not believe that speech really hurts anyone, and if you do, well I am going to offend you, but my words will never physically harm you.

Recently, I had a very close friend that just up and cut ties with me, and it broke my heart. I thought eventually I would be able to touch base with him, but he cut off all communication with me, blocked me on all of his social media, etc. Not because of me, but because of the tribe I am part of. He wants to cut off that tribe and everyone in it. Not sure why I got lumped in with that, but I never believe in turning my back on friends, especially ones that I consider closer than brothers.

If you know me and feel like I have used you up and cast you aside, I am sorry. I repent now of those unkind things I may have said, I repent of the anger or hurt I may have harbored against you. Please forgive me.

My door is open.

It is not the Gospel to use others up and cast them aside when their usefulness is exhausted. It is not the Gospel to turn your back on people or to betray their trust.

The Gospel is simply to love others as Jesus loves us. Would Jesus turn his back on anyone? I don’t believe he would.

So Love…

As Jesus Loves…

The onus isn’t on us, but completely on him. He is the example of what we look like when we flow with Holy Spirit.

If you feel used up and cast aside, forgive those who’ve done it to you, and seek forgiveness from the people you’ve cast aside. We are a family, we are one.