Us Vs. Them, Heavyweight Title of the World Match

One of the things I took solace in early on in my faith was that I knew I was included because I had accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I remember looking at others that I thought were lost and seeing hollowed out skeletons with a flickering flame deep within the empty sockets of their eyes. I remember being fearful for others, angry that they just wouldn’t accept Jesus. Probably not unlike John Calvin when he came up with his theology of double predestination. I won’t get deep in the weeds with Calvin, because I believe he was a good boy trapped in a wicked theology.

So to establish one of the greatest things that changed for me when I met Jesus in August of 2017, I began to see Jesus even in the most despicable of people. I know this is a radical thought, but I genuinely began seeing Jesus in other people and realizing that Jesus sold everything to obtain them… too.

I began sondering and placing myself into the lives of others, I can see why they made certain moves, why they chose certain things, what was their driving force in decisions. I began to see Jesus on the Cross crying out to Papa, “Forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” and then hearing Father say, “I did.”

Knowing that we are all doing the absolute best we know to do, and even in that knowledge we still fall short of His everlasting Glory. We fall short in our own understanding and our own actions daily. There are no evil people, just people who do evil. That evil does not define them, Jesus and Him crucified does. Now I know that is a spin on the classic verse that evangelicals like to throw around that none are good, but just like there none that are good there are none that are evil. We exist completely outside of that dualism, but we can choose actions that fall in line with that dualism.

I can choose to do good, or I can choose to do evil, or I can choose to rest and trust in God’s goodness.

Evangelicalism has been a poison to the faith of Christianity, inasmuch as Liberalism is a poison as well. They both teach an us versus them narrative that is hard for us to escape. On one side the evangelicals choose the titles lost and saved. The liberal folks just choose to overlook aspects of the faith they deem uncomfortable and act like it doesn’t exist all while shaming those people who believe the aspects they choose to overlook.

None are lost, at least in the perspective of the cross, because Jesus would leave the 99 to find the 1. I once was the one, and that parable has been a life sustaining word for me. There are a lot of 1’s out there, and Jesus regularly slips away from the crowd to bring them home. Not to the same ideology, although some do fall prey to that line of thinking.

It is interesting that Evangelicals can generally be lumped in with Republicans and the Liberal side of theology can be lumped in with the Progressive side of the political narrative. They both argue that Jesus is “on their side,” but there are no sides with Jesus. He is one with every single member of humanity, whether we realize it or not. Both sides seek to shame the other side, all while Jesus says quietly, “come, there is no shame in me.”

Us versus them seeks to shame the other side by hurling ridiculous claims at the other, it shames people for their choices in political candidate, it shames them for their choices in the people they choose to hang around. This is the battle that has been waged since the beginning of time, who is in and who is out. We pretend to know God’s mind about who or what is acceptable all while behind closed doors we are the same thing we shame.

There is no us versus them, we are one.

We are one with the Father of Jesus in Jesus forever and ever, and we don’t have a choice in the matter. But we do have a choice in how we respond. Do we cautiously let people in not knowing their allegiances, or do we simply look at them knowing we are all on the same team?

These are the kinds of things that knock around in my head, and I am fully aware that my views are certainly in the minority… but what if they weren’t?

Disappointment and Addiction

It isn’t hard to see disappointment in the fact that I stepped back from Facebook for a breather. The endorphins that would accompany a like or a share are addictive, and to go from several of those a day to none all of a sudden is pretty difficult. But that isn’t what any of this is about. You can read my post about stepping back to see more of the reason as to why I had to step back from Facebook, to the point where I only interact once a week. I am not going into it here, but I know that disappointment pretty well.

Recently I had a friend, I won’t put him on blast but if he reads this he will know who he is, that upended his entire social network footprint. He turned his back on all of those who have loved him through some difficult times over the last few years, even going as far to blame them for some of his heartbreak. I understand it. Completely. He may have thought I have no clue, but I do. He wrote a book and expected it to sell like hotcakes, I had similar illusions of grandeur in my head when I started writing. Where he seed my book as a success his seemed like a failure. I was blessed in the very beginning by a lot of really good friends that donated to my Kickstarter, but the first sign it wasn’t going to be like I thought was when my Kickstarter failed. For those who don’t know, if a Kickstarter is not fully funded you get nothing. I was less than a thousand from my overall goal.

My first heartbreak was the fact that my church that I sowed a lot of time and resources into, didn’t think my writing was a worthy cause to promote. Instead they promoted another very talented person in the church, giving money, talking about their project from the pulpit. I gave money to her campaign, and when mine failed I urged all of my backers to instead give the money to her, since I wasn’t able to get any money from the campaign. I held on, and was tempted to put the difference in from my inheritance. But I didn’t because a lot of people told me to have faith that it would come through… It never did.

I didn’t give up though. I finished writing my book and released it under schedule. Everyone who had given to the campaign had gotten a free copy, even though their support wasn’t fully realized. I paid out of my inheritance from my mom for everything, almost $3,000. I had it professionally edited by a beautiful sister, the kindle version laid out from a missionary friend, the book cover designed by another amazing lover of Jesus in another country. After the book launched, I started an advertising push with the same missionary friend that did the Kindle layout.

To this date, I have spent roughly $6,000 and the returns on that investment have been relatively low, way less than my investment.

On Facebook, I would post quick thoughts and I would sometimes get 40-50 likes and a handful of shares, I would get recognition from people I respected dearly and those endorphins would just fire off. In much the same way as when I was addicted to pornography, it wasn’t the act that I was addicted to but the endorphins. I found that I replaced the endorphins from my addiction to pornography with the recognition of my peers.

When it came out, I had quite a few people who I had given several copies out to, that would do live videos on Facebook reading parts of it. They were promoting it to others, giving copies away. I had a handful that bought several copies with the sole purpose of giving them out. I had people I never met reach out to me on Facebook telling me how much they enjoyed the book. How it opened their minds to different ways to think about things.

The success of my book certainly wasn’t monetary. To this day I am still paying for advertising on Amazon, to the tune of a $100 a month some months, and my take after spending that might be $30-40 if I am lucky.

So why am I writing this?

Well, because I know disappointment, when I released my book I was thinking about how different my life would be after I released. I imagined speaking engagements, I imagined travel all over the world. I thought I would be held in the esteem of other authors who have written books I found great value in.

I consider my book a success, because it is out there and anyone can get it. But financially it is not. I still have to work full time and spend money promoting it. It is truly a labor of love, because I want people to see just how beautiful and valuable to God that they are.

I have done a lot of things in my life to varying levels of success, but I continue plugging away trying to live the dream I have for myself. I want the opportunity to travel, and speak, and show everyone the love of God. But know it will probably never look like what I think it should.

On Facebook, I would post quick thoughts and I would sometimes get 40-50 likes and a handful of shares, I would get recognition from people I respected dearly and those endorphins would just fire off. In much the same way as when I was addicted to pornography, it wasn’t the act that I was addicted to but the endorphins. I found that I replaced the endorphins from my addiction to pornography with the recognition of my peers.

Here I sit disappointed that now I do not have the recognition and acceptance from the people that I once had, all because of the political division that is happening right now. My opinions don’t line up with others I may agree with in so many other ways. Because of which I kind of feel rudderless in a rushing river heading for a huge waterfall.

I can convince myself that others I respect dearly have been plugging away for years, and their levels of success vary wildly. A megachurch pastor that I have a great deal of respect for who is the same age as I am, has campuses all over the southeast and other parts of the country as well. He sells millions of copies of new books when they come out, his church’s band release new music to wild success as well. The temptation to ask “why?” comes up often, but I know the guy has worked hard through mounds of disappointment to get where he is now. I am sure he also had seasons of fear and depression about certain things.

It is only human.

Only human.

Human.

It is only human to be wanted, desired, cared about, It is only human to desire humanity. It is only human to wish everything you touch to be a success. That is after all how God created us to be.

Peace and Love.

J.